Am I beautiful? Really?
You may say, yes. Will I believe you?
I’ve been told I’m pretty or beautiful by my husband, my mom, my sisters, my dad, some friends maybe, even my brother, once. But I’ve had a hard time believing it.
I pause just now to reflect. Why? Why don’t I believe people when they tell me I’m pretty—not just on the outside but inside as well?
A few months ago, I started doing yoga more and also started using a diet app that also teaches psychology behind behaviors and eating. It was as I was embarking on this new healthier venture that I came up with my mantra, which I repeat to myself during yoga, when I’m feeling low in confidence, and when I just need a little extra push to keep going, to keep working on my goals, to keep being me.
I am beautiful. I am strong. I can be and do anything.
This mantra is also on the My Story tab of this blog. It is my motivation to keep going and work toward my dreams. It is my inspiration for writing here.
Today, I want to focus on the first part:
I am beautiful
I have, and I’m sure many of you have as well, had a hard time believing that I’m beautiful. I wasn’t like the pretty cheerleader girls in school. THEY were beautiful. I wasn’t like the girls who always caught the boys’ eyes. THEY were beautiful.
I didn’t date much in school or before I got married. I assumed it was because I was shy, awkward, weird, average, not interesting, not pretty.
Why do I have a hard time believing I am beautiful?
- I have crooked teeth and an underbite.
- I’m not super fit. I was pretty skinny in school but not fit. I’ve had some issues with my weight since my later 20s.
- What’s so great about my face? Average, maybe.
Plus, one thing that I have believed makes people beautiful is their ability to draw others to them. They are charismatic.
Not me. I’m awkward and shy.
And… (What’s coming next I think is the biggest reason I have a hard time believing I a m beautiful) I am afraid to step outside my bubble.
I’m not talking about the social bubble we all create around ourselves at times. I’m talking about this persona bubble I have created since I was a kid. I didn’t think I could be anything, anyone else. If people met me or knew me—how I thought they knew me, anyway—as plain, shy, quiet, I didn’t think I could be anything different. I had to stay in my persona bubble or face ridicule.
This is all mental, really. I know this now, after years of psychoanalyzing myself. But it’s become such a deep part of me that I have a hard time stepping out of it.
I’ve done better over the years. I’ve had to in the various rolls I’ve played: missionary, business woman, manager, fill-in-the-blank with all the church callings I’ve had. I’ve had to learn to speak up and do my job. I’ve had to fake confidence.
And through this, I’ve always found a reason to think I’m not beautiful.
Fast forward to now.
After I left my last job, I felt I needed to reconnect with myself, find the things I used to love about myself and really own them.
Now, I’m relearning, teaching myself. I am beautiful.
I’m reconnecting with my strengths, the things I like about myself, the things that I believe make me me. I’m working on myself, knowing I can be anyone or anything I want to be.
I am loving my body more now than I have in a long time because I’m using it. I’m moving. I’m flowing. I think a large part of this comes from my dedication to yoga. I’m doing things in yoga I never before thought I could do.
I am loving my personality more. I’m quirky and awkward and loving it. I’m owning it. I’m enjoying just being me. And I’m trying to show the world this side of me that I’ve kept mostly hidden.
Side note, for a little experiment I asked Chef Comte some things he likes about me. One of the things he said was that I’m random. I would definitely agree. And, really, I like that about me too.
I’m loving my face and my hair. I’m taking care of them better and finding products that make my skin and hair feel the way I want them to feel.
I’m taking compliments better. I have a long way to go. I’ve always been okay at outwardly accepting compliments and saying thank you. Now I’m working on my brain and teaching it to believe the compliments.
I’m loving my voice—both my speaking voice and my inside voice. I’m learning to like the sound of my voice—not in the way we say someone talks a lot but in the pitch and flow of my voice. Also, someone told me I have a great voice for podcasts the other day, so I’m feeling pretty good about it right now.
I’m loving me. And that makes me feel more beautiful.
I am beautiful.
You are beautiful.
I hope you have found this post inspiring. We all have issues with our self-esteem and confidence. And the more I write this blog, the more I hope that the things I write about will help someone, you.
You have unique characteristics that make you unique and amazing and pretty and wonderful on the inside and out.
You are beautiful. I truly mean that.